Cheese and beer.

 I know, you thought I was going to say wine. And believe me; I firmly back the combination of fermented fruit and a little bloomy rind, but this weekend I got to partake in two great KC tastes together: Green Dirt farm cheese and Boulevard Beer.

 The culinary adventure began with my friend Pam and I barreling up north to the farm in Weston, Mo. No, make that “historic” Weston, Mo. Despite the furious speed of my Mini Cooper (which Pam thankfully ignored) we were cutting it kind of close.  At one point the minutes were ticking away and  there were no sheep or green dirt in sight. I was resigning myself to just turning in at a local winery and salvaging the rest of the day with a tasty blend of whatever was available.

 Alas, no amount of road construction, threat of a monsoon, my general geographic dysfunction or lack of signage could keep us from our Cheese Appreciation tasting. Eventually we saw the scribble of a brown and white, skinny-legged sheep on a postcard by the ditch. That’s it! A quick u-turn and we made our way down a dirt road, another dirt road and eventually the rustic barn where the local delights were being served.

Fortunately the Boulevard Brewery buddies had a better sense of direction than I and had the drinks lined up to go along with the sheep’s milk cheese. We tried:

•  Fresh Rosemary – a soft, tangy spread that was one of my favorites. Paired with Boss Tom’s Golden Bock.
• Bossa – a washed rind version known as a “stinky” cheese. Soft and easily eaten with a spoon, it came together with a fork and a few swallows of Saison-Brett ale.
• Prairie Breeze – a nutty hard cheese that was Pam’s favorite. Unfortunately, it was visiting from the Milton Creamery in Iowa so no purchases at the end. Solace was found with a pairing of Pale Ale.
• Other visiting cheeses included Walloon from Goatsbeard Farm in Harrisburg, Mo., and accompanied by Amber Ale, as well as Bloomsdale from Baetje Farms in Bloomsdale, Mo. And paired with the Doublewide IPA.

 A worthwhile treat, indeed. I encourage ‘ewe to appreciate the cheese.

Hey, can we get another round of IPA over here?

This line kicks off one of the memorable dialogues from the blaxploitation parody movie, I’m Gonna Git You Sucka. The conversation continues with Hammer (portrayed by Isaac Hayes) trying to order just one rib and a dime’s worth of soda.

So, how much for just one rib?

Turns out, the answer is $1.75 – at least at Schloegel’s Woodyard BBQ.

As a born again KC dweller, I’m making a genuine effort to check out the things I missed the first time around and really indulge in the things I already know. With The Man and two friends in tow, Woodyard BBQ ended up being one of the first items on the list.

First and foremost, they’ve got wood <insert raunchy joke> that is used by many locals and restaurants alike. According to the handwritten signs scattered among the stacks of wood chunks it appears they had apple, cherry, something akin to pinot (wine wood maybe??) and pecan – which is apparently considered the “pope” of woods <insert additional raunchy joke>. Fortunately for those who prefer to feast upon the culinary efforts of others, they also have a menu of ready-to-eat items.

Our friend Sean indulged in the one of the house specialties: Burnt End Chili.

While we applauded him for sampling the local flavor we were also glad none of us would be making the drive back to Springpatch with him that night. The rest of us took on a combination of pulled pork, brisket, smoked sausage, smoked turkey, burnt ends and ribs (but not just one). All, in all, pretty good BBQ with the brisket being my personal favorite. I find the best part to be sitting outside on picnic benches mere feet from the smoker. Not only were we surrounded by the succulent smell of smoked meats but we got an extra treat by sampling the chef’s smoked pork chops.

Do you follow the smoke?

Well-known actor, musician and cook Issac Hayes. Who, I believe, would enjoy burnt end chili along with some chocolate salty balls and hot buttered jazz.

I am more than annoyed today.

Cheerio 2011.

It’s been a long year. Glad to see it’s the final Friday for all of us. However, there is unfinished business. Here are some remaining mysteries of 2011 to ponder:

1. What kind of animal is Gonzo supposed to be – or Goofy for that matter?
2. Who are all these strangers requesting to friend me, follow me or get connected? Maybe I’m paranoid, but I’m beginning to think this is a hacker scheme.
3. After a certain age does bread turn to dust or liquid? – ok, some of us already know this thanks to the boys at 701 Lois.
4. What is it about a keyboard and monitor that attracts a cat so strongly it cannot be ignored?
5. Where is Lou Ferrigno?
6. When uploading documents via SharePoint why does it always ask if I want to continue? I’ve gone this far, why wouldn’t I go through with it?
7. When Romans are not in Rome, do they still do as they always do?
8. If you were to Wang Chung, what exactly would you be doing?

What else has left YOU puzzled this year?

 Not quite Miller Time…..but close enough.

Don’t get me wrong, I have nothing against going out and having a few drinks with co-workers and catching up on water cooler gossip – albeit around a much tastier water cooler. But the idea that I will build a Lego house with someone who is a constant thorn in my corporate side and suddenly gain a new, loving apprecation for them is highly unlikey. Not going to happen. Forget about it.  

In general, there is no amount of hanging out that is going to make me start to like someone I already abhor. We’ll get along just fine so long as everyone does their job. It really is that simple.

My general disdain hatred for such activities makes it all the more amusing/confusing/ridiculous that I have been volun-told to be part of the office team building committee for my department.

These are desperate times. We are all doing more with less and, in some cases, we are doing more with a ridiculous approach.

We have our first planning meeting tomorrow. Here are my initial suggestions:

1. No bowling – unless we can drink. Then, yes, by all means let’s go bowling.
2. Try to stay away from sack races, kickball or other physical activity that has some/most of us in a continued state of ridicule. I work out but that doesn’t mean I want to do it in front of my co-workers.
3. Let’s skip activities (mental or physical) that “make a point.” Yes, we all get that if we work together to build the Lego castle that it demonstrates what a wonderful (virtual) house we can all build if we work together. Get it. Got it 20 years ago, so let’s move on and have a little basic, ordinary fun.
4. This would be a lot cooler if it did not bleed out into an evening or a weekend. Obviously, some of us may opt to slake our thirst following the structured activities but that’s different than being forced to sacrifice what I consider to be my own time. 
5. Let’s be mindful of cost, especially if the company isn’t picking up the tab. Except for wine. I’m happy to buy and bring along my own wine. I’ll even bring nice glasses and funny napkins.
6. We’re a big team – have we given any thought to breaking this down into a couple of different activities? I know that kind of defeats the purpose of “team building” but am I really going to interact with every person on the team during this one event? No. I will naturally gravitate to those I like. Those that do not annoy me, who do their jobs and do not cause me any unnecessary angst, pain and irritation. Plus, I might be a little more congenial to this kind of thing if we were cooking or doing a wine tasting versus sober bowling. Although I assure you there will be several people on the team uninterested in cooking or wine tasting.

Oh yes, if in the right mood, I can dance in the kitchen like I’ve had a bottle of red wine AND no one is watching.

Admittedly, I’m not much on a lot of gadgets. You can either cook a palatable pot roast or you can’t. No carving knife that can cut through a nail, tin can, radiator hose and a tomato is going to save your bacon if you don’t have basic know-how and experience. That said, there’s certainly a time and place for certain culinary gear.

For me, one of those things is a slow cooker – known in wider circles, thanks to Rival, as the Crock Pot.

A common misconception (usually among those that don’t venture into the kitchen) is that each day I make a full-course breakfast, pack ecpicurean brown bag lunches, sprinkle in superior snacks and then wrap up they day with a gourmet, four-course meal.

Sure.

The reality is I need sleep, have a full-time job (Food TV Network hasn’t called yet!), a slugglish metabolism requiring me to sweat it out at the gym on a regular basis, like to have fun at my own parties, am commonly sometimes occasionally hung over, sometimes just want a real meal without the hassle or have otherwise, engaging (or non-so-engaging) commitments. A crock pot allows me to combine a mishmash of ingredients into a pot, play it loosey-goosey with the temperature and time and still turn out a delectable main course or one pot meal. It also accomodates my frequent ADHD behavior that inspires me to maximize productivity and multitask to the nth degree.

Imagine. Laundry is churning in both the washer and dryer. The dishwasher is swishing. You’re burning DVDs while answering e-mail, paying bills online, petting the cat and making a pot of coffee – and something is brewing in the crock pot. That’s EIGHT things at once! Or maybe nine if you count the washer and dryer thing separately. Seems fair, reasonable. I guess only seven if you lump e-mails and bill paying together…but that doesn’t seem right. I mean, it’s two separate things on my to-do list,

I digress. Back to the crock pot.

Arriving home to find the crock pot simmering away gives the impression that someone was home all day making you a great dinner that is ready and waiting. In reality, this just means – with minimal preparation – I can avoid another evening of eating a sandwich or Lean Cuisine.

Clearly, the crock pot was created in another lifetime. While looking through a cookbooks that came with one of the original avocado green or vibrant orange models (circa 1970s), here are some suggestions for how one could fill their day since the crock pot is doing the cooking:

• Turn Wednesday into “lens day” – photography? Golf? Tennis? Whatever it’s a good day for, it’s also good for a recipe in this book.
• Thursday could be a “hers” day – Maybe you’re invited to a luncheon or club meeting. For two or three cents your crock pot will fix dinner while you’re gone all afternoon.
  

  Crock pot - cooks all day while you're away

Ha!

These days Wednesday usually is back-to-back meeting day that includes two deadlines, a much-needed review of the project that was belittled to pieces during last week’s staff meeting and (hopefully) lunch if the vending machine will accept the crumpled dollar I found in my makeup case with old tissues and melted lipstick. Thursday has me leaving the house with damp hair, minimal no makeup and half-heartedly battling more office politics combined with a (near) overdose of corporate egos.

Regardless, I may leave my crock pot on all night (the manual states that it’s perfectly safe with it’s low wattage). Some days are “friends” days and I’ll need to be pals with Stella Artois.

"A cat is a lion in a jungle of small bushes." -- Indian Proverb

As a woman passing through her thirties, this I know:

• The secret to success isn’t about following or breaking all the rules. Rather, it’s understanding which rules are not meant for you.
• My assertiveness sometimes bothers people but I’m glad I can deal with shit. Life is going to involve stress and I feel better knowing I can step up the pace rather than ending up onstage without any pants and not knowing my lines.
• I hate having to kiss someone’s ass to get them to do something that is their job in the first place.
  If you are a woman who isn’t beautiful, it is a social reality that you will have to work twice as hard to hold anyone’s attention. You can either linger on the unfairness of this or you can get with the program.
• Just because someone isn’t moving up the corporate ladder as quickly as you don’t assume they don’t know how to play the game. Watch carefully. They may not be playing the same game or they may be wearing a different jersey.
• I’d rather pay to check a bag than fight with someone for bin space in an airplane.
• Some people may not like my cats but chances are I don’t find their children that interesting either, so we’re even.
• I used to think I was just average. Then I got out into the workforce and I realized I was absolutely brilliant. It’s not that hard.
• I can be supportive but I need others to show some common sense worthy of support.