No Tinsel, Please
Having minimal holiday spirit this year I went about my activities with less of a Martha Stewart approach and more of something akin to Erma Bombeck.
We didn’t put up a tree this year. Instead we chose to have a Christmas “Chair.” This was a spare seat from our dining room set where we stacked the wrapped gifts in order to keep them from getting mixed up with the other things on the living room floor we didn’t bother to pick up and put away.
It was unfortunate that my pecan pie never “gelled” up and swam around in the pie plate like decaying tadpoles all evening. Upon discovering I only had sugar free pancake syrup I decided to make due. It never really entered my mind there would be a big difference and even if it had it’s not like I was going to go to the store on Dec. 24 to buy the real thing. I don’t even like pecan pie.
By keeping a close eye on your family as they unwrap gifts you can easily pull out the invoice before they can read it. This saves you the trouble of having to open and reseal any gifts you’ve ordered! Just wrap it up straight from the mailbox.
You know, in a pinch masking tape works just as well as scotch tape for wrapping gifts. However, when forced to choose between masking and duct tape, I highly recommend the former.
If your nephews have enough gifts to keep them occupied on Christmas morning you can stand around nonchalantly and drop candy into their still-hanging stockings as they shred the wrapping paper in a crazed frenzy. They’ll never know you forgot to give their mother the candy you committed to picking up for her.
You should be able to pass off leftover Jello/Cool Whip salad from the night before as a brand new dish for a different dinner on Christmas Day if (key word here) you remind your husband not to say “Oh good, I didn’t get to eat any of that last night.”
And yes Virginia, that leftover red wine from Thanksgiving found in the back of my sister’s refrigerator was still good. It only burned my throat on the first drink but if you tip the bottle back far enough that will stop the discomfort.
Hopefully these escapades won’t get me kicked out of the elves union and I can have a clean slate for next year.
Cheers!
Comment by Richard
Let’s hope that the Christmas spirit finds you next year. Until then, I am sure there is some sweet liquor or beer to ease the pain (at least in the next county over).
Posted on December 29, 2008 at 7:05 pm
Comment by amy
We stock up. I have more liquor readily available to me in a dry county than I did when I lived within four blocks of a liquor store.
Posted on December 30, 2008 at 7:15 pm