I’m sitting here munching on a fun size Snickers bar pondering over last night’s activities. Last night, by the way, was Halloween. And yes, I’m having candy for breakfast. Don’t judge.
Trick-or-treating is not that hard. Although I am not a parent, I was once a kid and did a lot of trick-or-treating. It seems like it came natural. Not like a real skill such as knitting, plumbing or being able to assemble a particle board bookshelves made in China. Apparently some kids need training.
Here’s how it works:
See, it’s not so hard. Let’s do better next year.
I am taking the Hogan Personality Inventory at my job. Like several other personality tests our team has already taken, I guess this one is supposed to help us understand one another and how to work together not bash one another in the head with keyboards, whiteboards, coffee mugs, etc.
I feel the forced black-and-white/yes-or-no answers are a forceful technique to put people into categories that can later be used against them in a court of law. Or a politically-motivated corporate America circumstance.
Here are a sampling of what I’ve been asked and how I SHOULD be able to answer:
Q: I am easy to get along with.
A: Yes, as long as you are not stupid and do your job. My husband says I should answer false.
Q: I sometimes complain to get my way.
A: No, I complain because I’m annoyed and feel like bitching. I don’t really expect things to change based on my whining.
Q: I like detective stories.
A: I don’t see what this has to do with anything but, if by detective stories you mean Law & Order reruns, then hell yes! I love detective stories.
Q: I get away with a lot of things.
A: Really? Do you think I’m going to tip my hand that easy?
Q: I feel guilty about some of the things I have done.
A: At work? Personally? Last week? 20+ years ago? REALLY guilty to where I can’t sleep at night or just a little sheepish? There are several ways to look at this people.
Q: I can get along with just about anyone.
A: See answer #1.
Q: Sometimes yelling is the only way to get a point across.
A: Well, I have found it to be effective at times.
Q: It upsets me to hurt people’s feelings.
A: Not if you’re an ass bag and deserve it.
Q: I like to try new, exotic foods.
A: I’ve eaten haggis and jelly fish. Top that.
Q: I am often the last to leave at parties
A: What kind of party? Who is there? How much have I had to drink? What do I have to the next day?
Q: I have used displays of emotion to get what I want.
A: False. Unlike some people (names withheld to protect the guilty and myself from payback for pointing out the obvious – that’s right, you’re not fooling anyone) I do not stage a cry-fest to get a raise, a promotion or more resources. Aside from the intense self-loathing that I’m sure would follow, I don’t think I could get through the charade without laughing.
Q: I generally get along with most people.
A: Haven’t we covered this already? See #7 and #1.
Q: People who are always cheerful are probably faking.
A: False. They are probably just not smart enough to know what is really going on around them.
Q: I think I would enjoy having authority over people.
A: I think I would enjoy having people do the job they are getting paid to do.
With a dedication nearing stalking, I’ve kept tabs on u-pick peach season updates and scored some jewels from Gieringer’s Orchard. I showed some restraint among the trees (compared to my strawberry picking frenzy) but the madness set in when I got home.
Armed with copies of some of my favorite recipes, including those from my favorite Food in Jars I gathered up jars, lids, rims, a giant stock pot and various odds and ends. Peeling, cutting, dicing, mashing, chopping, boiling…….I became the Bubba Blue of peaches.
I can only hope the results are James Fisher-worthy.
The deadline approaches. Don’t forget!
This week is chock-full of holidays. Really, take a look at the calendar. We’ve got:
Feb. 10 – Chinese New Year (Year of the Snake)
Feb. 12 – Fat Tuesday (last day of Mardi Gras)
Feb. 13 – Ash Wednesday
Feb. 14 – Valentine’s Day
Giving each occasion its due with separate festivities can wear a person out. Unless, of course, you’re closer to age 20 than 40 – then you can probably handle that level of shenanigans. For those with lessening stamina but great enthusiasm, how about combining the best of each:
Chinese New Year
· Fireworks – Traditionally thought to scare away evil spirits. I could use them to scare away stupid people. Some of the folks I’ve been dealing with lately need to either quit being so stupid or leave me alone. I’m flexible. Either option works.
· Cleaning –It’s forbidden. The Chinese believe you’ll sweep your luck away. No housework. Who can’t get on board with that?
· King cake – The Feast of the Epiphany (12 days after Christmas) celebrates the wise men bringing gifts to the Christ child. Baking a cake for these sovereign chaps has long been the NOLA Christian thing to do. And with Mardi Gras officially starting 12 days after Christmas as well, this sweet, baby-bearing confection made of dough, sugar toppings and glittery sprinkles of purple, gold and green just makes sense. The saying goes “you can’t have a Mardi Gras party without a king cake.” And really, why would you want to try?
· Rich, fatty foods (I realize I’ve already won you over here) – Live large in preparation for Lenten fasting.
· Cocktails – Lest we forget. Pick your passion and raise an awfully full glass of everything from hurricanes and sazerac to bourbon milk punch.
Admittedly, a little less on the self-indulgent side but let us not forget that it is actually Catholicism from which the events of Mardi Gras and Carnival evolved.
· Mass - Good for the soul, if not also a convenient way to leave the office for lunch.
· Seafood - Justifies a nice dinner out, not fish sticks.
While the Man will dutifully buy me a token of affection and wait endlessly for a table at a chic restaurant my tolerance for this “holiday” is waning.” It just seems a trifle artificial to judge one’s relationship based on gifts and activities for a manufactured holiday. That said:
· Red – It’s a nice color. Especially for wine.
· Chocolate – Just can’t be beat, even for breakfast, but best if it’s British.
GongXi Fa Cai and Laissez les bons temps rouler.